What We Have Always Been
by IrishRoulette
Summary: God help him, he couldn't even look at her. The only thing Dan Dreiberg could focus on was the pair of eyes on the television set, so familiar and yet so foreign, burning into him.
1. Chapter 1

Watchmen and all its characters belong to Alan Moore, Dave Gibbons, DC Comics, and Warner Bros. Pictures. I make no profit from this story and it is a work of pure fiction.

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God help him, he couldn't even look at her, and here she was wanting the most physically intimate thing that they as human beings could possibly engage in. His mind was completely focused on the television screen and the face that glared from inside it, colors and light warped by the glow and by the cameras on the other side. That face filled every crevice of his mind.

Dan couldn't help but steal glances at the television even as he unbuttoned her blouse and revealed a white lacy bra, something that would have stirred his imagination if they were some twelve years in the past. He reached under her and unhooked the piece of lingerie, trying to hide the immense discomfort from his face and trying even harder not to look at the TV screen. Fuck. "…took his name after the Rorschach ink blot tests given by psychologists…" the reporter said.

"Anything yet?" Laurie asked him, bringing his attention momentarily back to her as he fondled her left breast. It was large and soft and feminine and utterly uninteresting to him. He was wailing inside his own brain, beating against the myelin sheath to tell it to send blood down to his groin or so help him God he was going to break something. His brain, in a moment of unprecedented cruelty, laughed in return and filled itself with crude images of a man wearing a white mask adorned with mirrored black ink blots. The mask was pushed up to the bridge of his nose, revealing lips pulled taut past teeth that were just a little bit too large, and the visible skin was flushed even despite colorless dark stubble lining the jaw and upper lip.

"Damn it, I'm sorry," he gushed, completely humiliated and frustrated with himself. He pulled back from her and sat upright on the couch, feeling that his pants seemed no tighter than when she had first grabbed him into an (unwelcome) unexpected kiss. Against his will, he turned his gaze toward the television where the picture still remained on screen, a mug shot of a pale man with copper hair sticking up from his bruised face. His partner.

She smiled gently and for a fraction of a second, Dan was filled with pure, blinding hatred for her pity and her condescension. It subsided when she said, "It's okay, really. Don't worry about it. Here, let's just sleep now."

And she turned the television volume low but kept it powered on, but when Dan disrobed and lay down beside her on the couch and faced away from the screen, all he could see was that pale face and those brown eyes staring right through the glass and into the living room. _"With a whore, Daniel."_

It was exactly what Rorschach would say to him, and Dan knew that he wouldn't raise his voice in protest. He put an arm around Laurie's waist and held her close, apologizing in his thoughts until he fell asleep. He prayed that she heard him.

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_Life was good for Daniel Dreiberg. He was twenty-six years old in New York City, spending his days at home or in the library reading up on ornithology and ancient myths. And once the sun went down and the streets began to ooze with the malignant cancer that hid in the gutters by day, he was Nite Owl II, the famed vigilante whose crusades were detailed in the daily papers._

_And right beside him, every night, was Rorschach. Dan admitted that the smaller man was just slightly unhinged, and more than a little pessimistic about New York and humanity in general. But no matter how many times Dan asked Rorschach what had caused his bitterness, what had happened to him earlier in life, the masked man only grunted and said, "I'll tell you someday."_

_They worked as the perfect team, bounding up fire escapes and across rooftops, through open windows and over dumpsters in their pursuit for the next mugger or child molester. Rorschach, for his brilliant logic in urgent situations, was not the greatest when it came to straight-up practicality. His physical strength was surprising, especially considering he was around five feet eight inches tall, and he had a tendency to beat criminals too cruelly, even after they confessed to whatever it was they'd done. Nite Owl acted as Rorschach's conscience, or at least as a physical restraint when he lost his temper. He was the problem solver and even put up a great fight when needed, but he didn't enjoy the wet crunch of noses underneath his knuckles. Nite Owl preferred to be a pacifist if at all possible._

_Early June. The sky was streaked with stark oranges, violets, and reds ahead of the rising sun, and Dan lifted his goggles up onto his sweaty forehead. He and his partner were perched on top of one of the anonymous apartment buildings in the metropolis, resting after a long but satisfying night of serving justice to those who deserved it. Rorschach sat with his feet dangling over the edge of the building, munching idly on a churro he had purchased from a wary early-morning vendor. Dan stood a few feet next to him, bent over with his hands resting on the short wall that served as a perimeter around the roof._

"_How's that churro?" Dan asked lightheartedly as his partner popped the rest of the snack in his mouth._

_Rorschach grunted and wiped his gloved fingers on his purple pinstriped pants. "Not bad. I haven't had one in years, and I didn't know they made them in strawberry."_

"_Mmm, just like a breakfast pastry," Dan said, feeling the first pangs of morning hunger. "I'll have to remember to get one the next time we see that guy."_

_The half-masked vigilante turned and looked at Dan, the inkblots swirling lazily in the rising sunlight. "I could have bought you one."_

_Dan was flattered at the offer and raised a hand up. "No, it's okay. At least now I know they're worth it."_

_Rorschach studied his partner for a moment more, and then nodded and returned his gaze to the glowing horizon. Dan smiled, more to himself than anyone else, and felt content with things just the way they were. There was something strangely satisfying and yet terribly sad about the fact that he was the only person Rorschach could stand, and vice versa. He felt the glares and the looks filled with both pity and disdain that the other Watchmen aimed at Rorschach, and he didn't like it at all. They preached about protecting children and civilians, no matter who they were, and yet they looked at him like vermin because he didn't shower every day and he was brutally honest with anyone who asked his opinion._

_Laurie/Silk Spectre II was the worst in the group. She blatantly sent Rorschach the most stuck-up sneers of distaste that Dan had witnessed, enough to make his own gut clench when he saw them. Rorschach ignored her just as openly, keeping his back to her when he could and refusing to acknowledge her voice. She was lovely, but cruel._

_Dan stood up and stretched in the morning light, savoring the relieving crack in his spine. "Well, it's about time I head back to the Owlship. You want a ride, Rorschach?"_

_The trenchcoat-clad man shook his head, pulling his mask down over his chin once again. "No, I'm fine walking. Thanks for the offer."_

_Smiling, Dan patted his partner on the shoulder. "All right, man. I'll see you later tonight."_

"_Goodbye, Daniel."_

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A.N.: Well, here's another Watchmen fanfic for everyone. I've basically rewritten Dan's relationships with both Laurie and Rorschach/Walter, because it just seemed awkward and a little fake in the book and the movie. Plus, I'm just selfish like that. So a fair warning, anyone who doesn't like slash shouldn't follow this.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan awoke on the couch but still felt physically and mentally drained of all energy. The windows outside were still dark, but he was uncomfortably warm and felt the urge to just _move around_. He pulled his arm gently from over Laurie's waist and stood up, making sure he didn't wake her. Even though he was naked, he walked silently out of the living room and headed toward his basement.

The air was cold and the concrete stairs even colder, but Dan was refreshed and awakened by the sudden change in temperature. The basement smelled of dust and tarp and metal and…him. Rorschach. Dan could barely pick it up, just a twinge at the back of his throat from the aftershave that Rorschach wore when he hadn't showered. It had never really gone out of the basement, and Dan suspected that his partner had visited the place even when they had arguments, the worst of them being after the Blaire Roche case.

Dan remembered showing up at the fire shortly after it started. He was alarmed to find Rorschach standing nearby with his hands in his pockets, just _staring_ at the burning building as if watching a parade or a fireworks show. What had followed after Dan dragged his violent partner into the Owlship had been their loudest and most painful altercation to date. But somehow, Rorschach hadn't completely snapped, and after spending several days in Dan's home and being practically force-fed, the vigilante had regained most of his composure.

The brown-haired man sighed tiredly and opened the closet where he kept his old costume. He lifted his goggles down and put them on, immediately able to see in the darkness that was not illuminated by the open door at the top of the stairs. Archimedes sat underneath the dusty tarp, untouched for years, and Dan felt guilty for not keeping it up to check. He felt guilty for everything lately.

He felt almost delirious as he looked through the darkness and saw everything in clear detail, just like the good old days. Maybe that guy on the TV wasn't Rorschach. Maybe he was a look-alike who had been foolish enough to get himself caught at Moloch's apartment and arrested. For all Dan knew, Rorschach could have been standing just behind Archie, or even crouching on top of it, laughing silently at the flabby naked man wearing the goggles.

Dan didn't know if his thoughts about Rorschach were humorous questions brought on by his fatigue or if they were wishes he was trying to hide from himself. Either way, he felt empty and alone, even when Laurie called his name and emerged at the top of the stairs.

* * *

"_You stupid son of a bitch!" Dan roared once he had dragged Rorschach, almost literally kicking and screaming, into the Owlship. "What the hell did you do?!"_

"_Justice, Daniel!" Rorschach bellowed in return._

_Dan slammed Archie's hatch shut and rounded on his partner. "That's not justice! That's fucking murder! You never kill people, Rorschach, you leave them beaten and humiliated out on the sidewalk, handcuffed to streetlamps, for the police to find!"_

_Rorschach tore his fedora off and threw it to the floor in a rage, screaming, "You think those traitors would punish him?! They didn't do a thing to find that little girl when she went missing, because her parents had no money to offer for rewards! I was the one who had to find her! I was the one!!"_

_Dan had never felt such hot, solid, pulsing fury beating through his body before in his life. He tore the cowl back from his head and pulled his goggles up, allowing himself to breathe lest he suffocate under his hood. "So you burn the fucking _house_ down?! You're just like him, Rorschach!"_

_Something that was part animal and part demon came tearing out of Rorschach's mouth and he flew at Dan like a thing possessed. Luckily, Nite Owl's reflexes were still as tightly wound as wire and he sidestepped the smaller man in the cramped quarters and slammed his elbow in between Rorschach's shoulder blades. The blow didn't seem to cause him any pain, only pushed him forward further than he had intended, and then the masked man lunged again._

_The air was crushed out of Dan's lungs when his back hit Archie's metal floor and Rorschach tumbled down on top of him. Gloved hands grabbed his neck and attempted to smash his head into the metal, but Dan pulled every muscle and tendon in his neck taut and managed to reduce it to a mild blow. He blocked Rorschach's punch and twisted the man's arm painfully so that he cried out and paused for a fraction of a second. In that brief window of opportunity, Dan hurled his body upward and used all of his weight to throw Rorschach to the ground._

"_Rorschach!" Daniel roared, blocking the frenzied fists as best he could while doing his best not to get bucked off by the shorter man. "Rorschach, for the love of God, stop!!"_

_The vigilante didn't seem to hear him, but kept thrashing as dangerously as ever. Something came over Dan and in one swift movement, he grasped Rorschach's wrists in both of his hands as tightly as he could hold and slammed them to the floor on either side of the masked head. Rorschach bellowed out of pure animalistic rage and Dan knew that if his mouth had been uncovered, he would have spit at him._

"_Rorschach, you're not like him!" A pause in the thrashing, and then electric silence buzzed around them. Dan gasped for air and used his chance to stammer, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. You just--you scared the fucking shit out of me, man. I even put my costume on and took Archie out to look for you. Then I saw the fire. Rorschach, what happened?"_

_The mask shifted slightly where Rorschach's mouth was and the inkblots warped angrily under the white latex. "Monster, Daniel. He was a monster. I couldn't let him live."_

_Dan threw his head back and loosened his grip on Rorschach's wrists. "A monster, but you could have turned him in. Retribution isn't what we're about."_

_Not surprisingly to Dan, Rorschach took advantage of the loosened grip and tore his wrists free. "This is beyond anything we're about, Daniel. Junkies don't slaughter children and feed them to dogs!"_

_There was a THUD, and then Dan found himself staring at Archie's ceiling and then into the swirling mass of black and white that was Rorschach's face. He expected the man to knock him out, maybe even to even kill him, and he closed his eyes and waited. But there was nothing. The weight on his torso lifted and he heard Rorschach scuffle away, and then he opened his eyes. His head swam from the meeting with the floor, but he pushed himself up and looked through blurry vision at the huddled mass that was his ex-partner._

_Dan felt a terrible, ice cold crevice open up between his shoulders and continue down his spine when he heard the whimpers. At first he couldn't move, but when he heard sniffling as well, he floated up because his body was not his anymore. His hands rested on Rorschach's shoulders and forcefully turned him around._

_The mask was pushed up to the bridge of his nose, and tears were streaming from beneath the fabric to mingle with the sweat that was already there. He bit into his gloved finger and held back a choked cry, and it was then that Dan reached out and pulled the mask all the way back. His heart stopped._

_The last thing in the world he expected was a shock of red hair and bloodshot brown eyes underneath that mask. Rorschach screwed his face up and turned away. "Don't look at me," he growled._

_Dan grabbed the man's thin face a little too forcefully, digging his thumbs into the sharp cheekbones just beneath his eyes. "You fucking look at me, Rorschach."_

_He thought he was going to receive a headbutt straight to the nose, but Rorschach sat still, maybe even a little shocked, and stared at Dan through eyes that were still flooded with angry tears, tears that had been held in for decades until he thought his ducts had withered completely. Dan took in his appearance and was astounded at how _average_ he looked, how utterly uninteresting. True, his hair was vibrant copper against his pale forehead and freckled cheekbones, but there were not blazing green eyes or violent scars like Dan had imagined. Rorschach was, for all he knew, the quiet guy who lived down the street._

"_Don't you do this to me, man. Don't you pull this shit. Not now. You are not going to start killing every single person who robs a bank or shoots up heroin because you think it's your civic duty. I'm not going to have you go bat-shit crazy on me." Dan was intimidated by his own voice, but he couldn't hold it back anymore. Rorschach had been deteriorating ever since the Keene Act was passed, and now he had to be the one to keep the dam from breaking completely._

"_I need you."_

_Rorschach froze in his subdued sniffling and stared at Dan upon hearing the words. There was something in his eyes, something buried deep, deep under his pupils and coiled around the optic nerve, that sparked to life. And suddenly Dan was cradling the shaking, sobbing mess that had become Rorschach, the most feared being to walk the nighttime streets of New York. The redhead bellowed incomprehensible things into Dan's shoulder, squeezing his forearms until knuckles were white and Dan's skin cried out in agony. And Dan let him cry until he was all used up, not saying a word as Rorschach poured out everything that had been plaguing his lonely mind for decades. It was an epiphany, and he could feel in the air that something tremendous had occurred in Archie's modest quarters._

_Before Rorschach fainted from exhaustion, he met Dan's eyes, face all blotchy and wet, and whispered three words: "Don't leave me."_

_Dan squeezed his hand and nodded at his partner, his brother, his best friend. "I won't."_


	3. Chapter 3

He was ashamed of himself when she began to descend the stairs, standing there naked and cold and wearing his goggles that looked ridiculous without his full costume. He had a feeling that he was just rebound action for Laurie because she had just left Jon, and he hated that notion with every fiber of his being. At least Rorschach never pretended to be anything around him.

She reached out for him and he let her do it only because he was too polite to push her away. "I feel so useless…so impotent," he said quietly. And it was true; here he was with a lovely woman who wanted to make love to him, who didn't laugh when he couldn't deliver, and all he could think about was a brown-eyed man with copper hair and a cut on his forehead, glaring out of the television set. A man whose real name was Walter Joseph Kovacs but went by the name of Rorschach when he was under that constantly shifting mask.

A man who was sitting in Sing Sing, with the whole world against him.

Loaded with guilt, Dan didn't argue when Laurie wanted to take Archie out for a spin in the wee hours of the night. He donned his Nite Owl costume for the first time since his huge fight with Rorschach and something awakened from hibernation inside him. When he felt the familiar purr of the engine and had the controls at hand, he was transported back in time instantly and was no longer the sedentary scholar, but a masked hero back in his prime. It felt incredible.

They came upon a large apartment fire roaring in the night, spewing flames and tar-black smoke up to the heavens. He navigated the ship and used Archie's rail gun to shoot out the water tower's support beams on the building's roof, spilling water all over so that Laurie could jump down. She ran into the building and he waited on pins and needles, honestly concerned for her safety, until he saw her waving in the window and extended the ramp. They loaded almost a dozen people into Archie's small interior and dropped them off near the fire station a few blocks away.

Adrenaline still pumping through his veins and capillaries when he set Archie to sit idly in the middle of the sky over New York and embraced Laurie when she reached for him again. His heart never stopped racing when they kissed passionately and layers of costumes were peeled away and fell to the floor. And when she reached down and touched him, he was still flaccid and unresponsive, but then he closed his eyes and imagined that a calloused, scarred hand sheathed in purple leather was stroking him. He felt dizzy with the suddenness of his arousal and pushed her backward, ignited and desperate to sate his hunger before he lost it again.

He damned himself to his lurid imagination when he entered her slowly, pretending that it was a man's legs that wrapped around his waist and that the cloth piled up against his ankles was actually a pair of grungy purple pinstriped pants and not a black leotard. She was quiet as they made love, and Dan didn't give a fuck if she was pretending Jon was the one pushing in and out because he was more guilty no matter what. He kept his hands secured on her hips and told himself that they were Rorschach's hips, as muscular and scarcely covered with hair as hers, and he procured a raspy voice in his mind, grunting with each thrust and clenching around his cock. Dan was unbelievably turned on as his imagination rode off completely and he forgot about Laurie, replacing her with a short man whose veins popped out of his muscular arms as his hands squeezed a nearby bar jutting out from the wall. He envisioned the black and white mask pulled up to the bridge of his nose unevenly, so that the ink blots were wrinkled but still symmetrical, and the visible mouth beneath it was agape as he uttered lustful groans.

Dan threw his head back and gasped when he reached his orgasm and pumped his seed into Rorschach, filling every single vein in the man's body so that there would be part of Dan in him forever. Muscles convulsed beneath him and he relished in the vision of smooth pectorals glistening with sweat and twitching along with every other limb. And Rorschach's face was flushed with passion and fully visible, the mask having been pulled off just before he came so that he didn't suffocate. His brown eyes were half-lidded and gleaming with afterglow now, red hair soaked and in total disarray and fucking _beautiful_…

"Dan?" Laurie's voice shattered his fantasy and he opened his eyes for the first time, staring down into her softly smiling face. He smiled so that she would not see his utter disappointment and pulled out slowly, getting softer by the moment.

Fuck. He had just crossed the point of no return, imagining his best friend, a man who had lost nearly all of his hope in humanity's benevolence, while making love to Silk Spectre II, Laurie Juspeczyk. Still, he couldn't get the man's face--his human face--out of his mind. It was more deeply rooted than ever.

"I think we should spring Rorschach," he blurted out, sitting with Laurie on Archie's floor. She had been in the middle of crawling over to him, probably intending to start kissing him again, when she froze as if she'd looked into the eyes of Medusa.

"What?" Her voice shattered the quiet, and somehow Dan knew he had just ruined all chances of a future relationship with her. But somehow, he didn't care anymore. He knew where his heart and mind were set now, and for once he didn't intend on changing his mind for anyone again.

Archie's inner chamber was thick with tension as they made their way toward Sing Sing. But Dan didn't care, because all he could think about was seeing Rorschach again.

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"_I can't believe that fat bitch went and bombed the entire apartment building for roaches," Rorschach grumbled, nursing a steaming mug of fresh coffee. A small pile of sugar cube wrappers sat by his elbow, some of them having been eaten and three deposited in his cup._

"_Landlords do that, I'm afraid," Dan answered, stirring his own mug and sitting across from the disgruntled vigilante. "Especially if they don't like you."_

_Rorschach pulled his mask off with an irritable grunt, scratching his head. "Well, all of my things are in there and now they're going to be saturated with roach poison! She must have made enough money whoring herself at the bars to get an exterminator."_

_Normally Dan would have chastised his partner for his unfairness, but now he just chuckled. It was early morning and they were both worn out from a busy night out on the streets, and it was hard to tell who was more unraveled. He looked forward to sleeping through most of the day._

_With a sigh, Rorschach swirled the coffee halfheartedly and muttered, "Good coffee, Daniel."_

"_Thanks. I put a little extra in the pot to give it more of a kick."_

_The redhead nodded and took a long swig. "I'll be out of here as soon as Shairp lets me. She said it would be no more than three days, but hopefully I can get back in two. God knows she wouldn't mind if I breathed in roach killer."_

_Dan frowned at his partner and said, "Rorschach, you can stay for three days. It's no problem. In fact, I insist."_

_The smaller man grumbled something incomprehensible and returned his focus to his coffee. Dan finished his own cup and stood. "I'm going to make some breakfast before I turn in. Do you want scrambled eggs or sunny-side-up?"_

_Rorschach cursed the man silently. He was backed into a corner and Dan wouldn't take "I'm not hungry" for an answer. He knew him too well. "Scrambled."_

_A mischievous half-smile ghosted across Dan's face and he opened his fridge, glad for the company even if it was disgruntled._


	4. Chapter 4

He and Laurie fought their way through the prison, knocking prisoners aside left and right. He noticed that Laurie was especially vicious, grunting with each kick she delivered, snarling as she wrenched arms back until joints popped out of their sockets. She was clearly fuming at him and taking out her aggression on the prisoners who attacked them. Dan ducked an incoming punch from a large bald man and shrugged her off.

The wave of inmates slowed and they were able to proceed through the corridors, calling for Rorschach. Laurie hardly raised her voice and seemed very bored, as if Dan had dragged her along against her will. He was becoming less and less fond of her as they continued, and he suspected that his feelings were returned.

They rounded a corner leading away from the single cells, and Laurie made a disgusted face. "This whole place smells like him. He could be anywhere."

Dan frowned but didn't comment back. It was hard to see in the prison because only the emergency lights were on and smoke stung his eyes. All of the cells were open and he could hear the distant roar of a riot in another area of the prison, probably the cafeteria or the yard. But sure enough, he couldn't mistake the sharp smell of too much aftershave covering up body odor, Rorschach's distinct brand. Although, considering they were inside a prison, it didn't surprise Dan a whole lot.

They turned down another cell block and Dan saw a figure walking away from them about thirty yards ahead. In the darkness he couldn't make out hair color or skin tone, but he did notice the man walking with a distinct posture, slightly hunched in the shoulders and with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Dan's heart leapt.

"I think that's him. Rorschach! Hey, Rorschach!" he called down the hall, breaking into a jog. Laurie followed only because she didn't want to be left behind in the prison.

They caught up with the man and sure enough, it was Rorschach. The shirt of his prison uniform was nowhere to be seen, and the white wife beater he wore underneath was stained with a large, violent splatter of blood that was browning near the edges. He sported a large purple bruise underneath his left eye, but Dan had never been more glad to see the man in his life.

"Rorschach! We're here to bust you out, man!" Dan exclaimed, walking beside the man for fear of what would happen if he stood in front of him.

"Have to take care of something first." Rorschach didn't even look at him, but just kept walking.

Laurie swore when Rorschach walked into the men's room. "Why did we bother if he's going to be so ungrateful?! Christ…"

"Hey, it happens to everyone. I remember this one time when I was out on patrol…" Dan launched into a short story about needing a urinal badly while pursuing a criminal, and when he finally gave in and found a place to relieve himself, he lost track of the man. Laurie didn't seem to care, but kept going on about how Rorschach didn't give a shit about how they had risked their lives.

He heard a toilet flush inside and Rorschach emerged a moment later. "Now we can go," he said, as if leaving a rioting prison was an everyday occurrence. They turned and began the walk back to Archie, neither of the costumed vigilantes noticing the pool of shiny blood oozing out from underneath the bathroom door.

* * *

_New Year's Eve, 1966. Dan had decided to stay in for the night and was surprised when Rorschach accepted his offer to join him. Usually the man would have been adamant about going out on patrol, but Dan coaxed him out of it when he pointed out that on New Year's Eve, every cop in the city was out on patrol and they could not be prejudicial against violent drunks._

_Hollis Mason came to Dan's house for a few hours as well, bringing with him a bottle of champagne and his white German shepherd, Phantom. Rorschach scowled at the dog through his ever-shifting mask at first, but when Phantom sat and cocked his head at the costumed man, Rorschach caved and scratched the top of his head._

_Dan's mentor asked Rorschach why he chose to keep his costume on around them. "It's New Year's Eve, son, and we're all teammates here. I don't really care if you've got one eye or a hairlip!"_

_The shorter man shrugged, taking a sip of his hot chocolate thoughtfully. "Personal thing."_

_Dan was grateful when Hollis didn't push the matter further, but still treated Rorschach as if he was not walking around in his purple pinstriped suit and shifting mask. The three men ate a roast with potatoes and bread, and Rorschach even accepted a beer that Hollis offered him. The original Nite Owl stuck around until about twelve thirty, after cheering when midnight struck, and then said goodnight and headed home with Phantom. Dan watched them go, feeling a little concerned for the older man, but knowing that he would be all right._

_Rorschach sat in one of Dan's armchairs, munching on green olives and staring at the TV. The cameras didn't show the rioters who were inevitably present in the city, only the happy faces of people cheering and kissing to bring in the new year. Dan plopped down on his couch, opening another beer._

"_That's your fourth beer tonight, Daniel," chastised Rorschach. "Not to mention two glasses of champagne."_

_Dan chuckled, feeling more than a little tipsy. "You're against drinking?"_

"_Only in excess. It breaks down the mind as well as the body. I stay away from it."_

"_Well, it's New Year's Eve and I don't drink otherwise. I think I'll be all right," Dan pointed out._

_Rorschach shrugged, the corner of his mouth ghosting upward ever so slightly. "If you insist. I'm not holding your hair back while you puke."_

_The two men chatted idly in Dan's living room and he could sense that Rorschach was now much more relaxed with Hollis gone. He knew that the man wasn't bitter or angry at Hollis for anything, just shy. He had been shy around Dan too when they first met, but Rorschach had warmed up faster than around other people. Dan felt good about that, and was glad he invited his friend over._

"_You know, Rorschach, your mask could mean anything," Dan suddenly said, urged by nothing in particular to speak._

_Rorschach paused from gnawing on his fingernail. "Hm?"_

"_The inkblots. They're always moving, but sometimes when I look at your mask I see horses galloping or a volcano erupting, or even two people drinking coffee. It's brilliant. Have you ever just stared into the mirror and tried to see what's in there?"_

_The smaller man shook his head. "No, because it doesn't mean anything. The mask moves, but it doesn't tell stories, Daniel."_

_Dan finished his beer and returned, "Well, I see stories and they're interesting."_

_Rorschach watched him for a few moments, chin pushed forward slightly as if he was gnawing on his tongue inside his mouth. He then tugged his mask down over his chin and stood up, making his way slowly over to Dan. The taller man looked at him strangely as Rorschach stood in front of him, blocking his view of the TV._

_The masked man leaned forward until his face was some six inches from Dan's. "What do you see now? Tell me the story."_

_Dan swallowed hard, nerve endings in between his eyes picking up the sensation of Rorschach being so close. But he stared into the shifting black ink that was the man's face, and his drunken imagination soon pieced together meaning from the meaningless. "I see owls now, Rorschach. Two owls are diving at the same time for a mouse, and they collide and become one. The mouse is safe, and he runs away to join another one, maybe his mate. And then the sun comes up and the owls are gone."_

_Rorschach nodded slowly, still not backing away. "Good story, Daniel. I'm glad that you can still invent tales and see them. I haven't heard a story since I was very young."_

_Dan didn't know what to say, feeling a little bit more sober at Rorschach's words. The man never lied, even when the truth got him in deep trouble, and so Dan didn't doubt that he hadn't heard a story since his childhood. He felt very sad all of a sudden, and was gripped with the urge to tug Rorschach onto the couch and tell him all the stories that he had heard as a child. He wanted to fill the shorter man's ears with mythology and legends until the sun came up._

"_If you ever see a story like that in my mask again, you can tell it to me," Rorschach said, standing up again. "I wouldn't mind hearing about what you see."_

_Right then, Dan saw a lonely man who was disliked by most everyone who met him, a man who had never been told stories as a child and who snuck into Dan's house when he was welcome anytime. It occurred to him that the mask wasn't part of that, that it was only a façade Rorschach wore to send his message to the world. It had almost no impact on who he was to Dan._

_It wouldn't make a very good story to Rorschach._


	5. Chapter 5

Laurie didn't say a word to Dan or Rorschach on the way back to Dan's house. They flew in silence, Laurie sulking behind Dan's seat while Rorschach sat in the passenger's seat and stared out at the night sky. Things were over before they had ever really begun between Laurie and Dan, it felt like.

Upon arriving at his house, Laurie said something about going to change and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Dan and Rorschach standing alone together. The taller man sighed and pulled his goggles off, rubbing his tired eyes. Everything in his body suddenly ached from the fight at Sing Sing, and he longed for a shower and his bed.

"Daniel." The gruff voice broke the awkward silence and Dan looked at his ex-partner. Rorschach's brown eyes were fixed on him, but the usual blank stare was replaced by something more…lively. Yes, there was actually a person staring at him now, not just a wax casing that held Rorschach's tumultuous thoughts.

A ghost of a smile twitched at the corners of Rorschach's mouth, hinted by the sudden appearance of tiny lines. "Thank you."

Dan sighed in relief, reaching out to pat Rorschach's arm, above the blood that soaked his skin. "You're welcome. We're in this together."

"JON? What are you doing here?!" Laurie's shriek made them both jump and they went quickly to her room to see just what was going on. Sure enough, Jon sat on the loveseat, holding a magazine over his naked lap, and Laurie had dropped the blouse she was intending to change into.

"We are going to have a conversation," he said without emotion. "I am on Mars, but I will take you with me and we're going to talk. You wanted this conversation."

Dan looked at her in disbelief. "Is he serious?"

She half-glared in return and said, "I do want a conversation. Just…Mars?"

Suddenly, loud knocking on the front door echoed through the house. Rorschach tapped Daniel's shoulder and said, "Police, Daniel. They know about the breakout."

Dan cursed as Jon stood up and held his hand out to Laurie. "We should go."

She took his hand and the other two vigilantes turned away so as not to be blinded by the white light that issued from Jon, and when they turned back the two were gone. Dan lowered the cowl and scratched the back of his sweaty head. "Well, so much for that…"

"You slept with her, Daniel," Rorschach stated bluntly as they headed for the basement, from which they had only emerged a few minutes ago.

His face burned in embarrassment. "She wanted to, and I…went along." _I thought of you._

Rorschach grunted as they bounded up into Archie's belly. "Loose morals, but I don't think she'll be coming back for you."

"Ouch, Rorschach," Dan countered, actually peeved now as he started the ship up once again. "Could have said it a bit nicer."

"It's the truth. Back with Jon, she went to Mars. Not to mention the way she looked at you."

Dan sighed. "I think she's jealous of you."

They emerged back into the night and little pings were heard on Archie's hull as policemen shot up at them. Soon, though, they were far from Dan's house and flew out over the ocean, and then down into the water. Archie's bright lights illuminated the green all around them, bits of loose garbage, and an occasional fish or two.

Only when they settled on the floor of the ocean, still shallow enough not to cause any damage from the pressure, did Rorschach speak again. "Why jealous of me?"

Dan lied, "It was my idea to bust you out. I think she believed I would have chosen her over you, but I wanted to bust you out even though she can't stand you."

Rorschach frowned, and Dan knew that he didn't believe it completely. "Women not jealous over friends, Daniel, unless you ditch them for your friend."

"Well, then I guess I don't know why she's pissed at me," he answered, flustered.

The redhead could have pressed further, but he simply cocked his head, nodded ever so slightly, and sat back in his seat, staring out into the green water.

* * *

_Dan carried the unconscious man into the guest bedroom of his house, depositing him gently in the bed like a child. He was astounded at how small Rorschach was, and yet how heavy at the same time because of his physique and his laden pockets. He double-checked to make sure that Rorschach was truly out of it before he tugged the man's overcoat off._

_Piece by piece, he peeled Rorschach's costume away until he was down to a long-sleeved white shirt and his pinstriped pants. Dan frowned as he took notice of just how slowly his heart was beating. The man was probably dehydrated._

_After setting the shorter man's clothes in a pile on the room's lone chair, Dan went to fetch a glass of water for when Rorschach woke up. He put it on the end table and stepped back, looking down at his sleeping friend. Did people sleep once they fainted? Was Rorschach dreaming of whatever it was he saw in the house of Roche's murderer? Dan hoped not._

_He thought about sitting with his friend to make sure he didn't wake up in a panic and split his hands open on the glass of water (maybe he should have gotten a plastic cup), but then he remembered their fight. Rorschach would probably not be at all pleased to open his eyes and see Dan sitting beside him, after he had broken down in sobs and wails of horror in Dan's arms. He did not pity the redheaded man breathing softly beside him, but he felt an immense sadness as he gazed down at his chest rising and falling. Rorschach would need some serious company and should be supervised until he collected himself again._

_Dan sighed and set his hand on his chest, comforted by the steady, if slow, heartbeat he could feel. He didn't even know his real name, and yet he was determined to dig his talons into Rorschach's shoulders and pull him back from the edge as hard as he could. He depended on the radical man for support, looked to him as an example of what to do in any situation. If Rorschach lost his mind and what little faith was left in humanity, Dan didn't know who he would turn to._

_Red brows drew together in a grimace. Rorschach clenched his jaw and turned his head slightly to the side, and then was still once more. Dan considered trying to wake him and get him to drink the water, but he suspected that Rorschach wasn't sleeping much as it was, and that the glass wouldn't get up and walk out of the room._

"_Hang in there, buddy," he whispered, patting his chest softly._


	6. Chapter 6

Once Dan felt comfortable enough that the police had dissipated, he brought Archie out of the water and they headed toward Rorschach's apartment. He glanced at his friend as they flew, wondering whether or not he should say it. Ah, screw it.

"Your real name's Walter Kovacs?" Dan asked, breaking the silence that had collected between them like cobwebs.

Rorschach scowled, but nodded.

"Why don't you like it? It's only a name."

The redhead wouldn't look at Dan as he answered, "Didn't want you to find out the way you did, Daniel. I don't care that you know now, but I wanted to be the one to tell you."

Dan sighed quietly, understanding the strange logic. Rorschach was a control freak, and the fact that Dan now knew his identity because of a news anchor on TV probably drove him mad. "Look, if you don't want me to call you by your real name, I won't. I was just curious years back, when I asked you that one time. You weren't ready to tell me, so I left it alone."

Rorschach shook his head in irritation. "You asked me back when I was starting to become Rorschach. Psychologist in Sing Sing told me that Rorschach was a coping method for me to deal with reality. He was a shield. Rorschach was my safety net when you asked for my name, Daniel. That's why I didn't tell you."

Dan mulled over the information slowly, digesting it piece by piece. It made sense that Rorschach had been a way for Walter, a mere person, to deal with the horrors of life in New York City. Not surprisingly, Walter had begun to blur the lines of reality and started to morph into Rorschach. Dan was scared to think that if he had not picked up the man the night of the fire, Walter might have been lost forever, eaten alive by the mask.

"Who are you now?" he asked quietly as they approached a dock near Rorschach's apartment building.

There was a long stretch in which Rorschach stared intensely out of Archie's right eye, jaw set firmly in concentration. But right as the ship descended down over the water and stabilized, Rorschach turned and met Daniel's soft brown eyes with his sharp ones.

"Don't know yet."

* * *

_Rorschach was tremb__ling. Sitting hunched over in the bed with his face buried in his hands, he said again, "My face, Daniel. Give it to me."_

"_It's still drying, Rorschach," Dan argued feebly. "I washed it for you."_

"_Don't care. Give it to me."_

_Knowing he could be well on the way to death, Dan stood his ground. "No, Rorschach. It's just a mask, and you can't hide behind it whenever you're faced with something you don't want to deal with."_

_The redheaded man lifted his head up from his hands and stared at Dan with wide, infuriated eyes. "Hide? You think I'm hiding from this? There is no hiding from this, Daniel. Give me my face; I need to go."_

_Angry now, Dan stepped forward and shut the door behind him. "It's not a face, Rorschach! It's a goddamn mask!"_

_Something came over Rorschach's freckled face and he didn't avert his eyes or even blink as he drew the bedcovers back and slowly stood up. "You give me my face, Daniel. Don't want to hurt you, but I will."_

"_Come off it, Rorschach. You're trying to run away from what happened last night. I saw you crying, man, then you fainted. You need help…"_

_With a snarl, Rorschach lunged forward and grabbed Dan's neck, slamming him against the wall. "Don't need your help! You quit, you whiny failure, and you only went looking for me because you're alone now!"_

_Dan stared him down, not letting the pain around his windpipe show on his face. "That's right, Rorschach. I am alone. I won't deny it. But fuck if I'm gonna let you hide behind that mask and lose your goddamned mind."_

_Rorschach bared his teeth and tightened his fingers around Dan's throat. The taller man saw spots. "Won't lose my mind. I see things clearer than ever."_

"_Bullshit," Dan choked._

_He thought Rorschach might strangle him into unconsciousness, but suddenly the man let go and stepped back. "What do you want, Daniel? I don't understand!"_

_Dan rubbed his neck and held his other hand up. "Rorschach, something happened to you last night. I know that what happened to her was horrible, probably the worst thing we've ever seen, but you cannot let it control you. I want to help you."_

_Rorschach's nostrils flared, but his voice was weak as he asked, "Why?"_

"_Because you're my friend. I'm not gonna let you go over the edge, Rorschach. Not this time."_

_Rorschach sucked his lower lip into his mouth, biting down on it hard. "Dogs, Daniel. He fed her to dogs…"_

"_Rorschach, I know. But she's gone. It wasn't your fault, and you couldn't have done anything different. It's awful, I know, but all you can do is take it and use it to make sure that it doesn't happen again," Dan said quietly._

_The shorter man sat on the edge of the bed, wringing his hands together. "Not Rorschach. Rorschach knows what to do, no matter what. I can't even think straight."_

_Dan slowly walked forward and sat down next to his friend, keeping enough space between them so that he didn't invade the redhead's personal bubble. "Who are you, then? What's your real name?"_

_The man shook his head slowly, still wringing his hands. "Don't want to tell you yet, Daniel. I'm not ready."_

_Slightly deflated, Dan nodded and said, "It's okay, then. It's all right to feel mixed up, seriously. But you need to understand that Rorschach isn't the answer to everything. You can't hide behind him whenever things are too much to handle."_

"_What else is there?"_

_Dan sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his hands together thoughtfully. "Well, I have hobbies. I write for ornithology journals, I build things, I go to the library and read…You should have another life besides Rorschach."_

_Rorschach's brown eyes were so filled with confusion that Dan was reminded of a child. "Will you help me?"_

_He nodded. "Of course."_


End file.
